Billy Crystal, the Hasty Pudding man of the year, was roasted on stage last Thursday before the premiere of the drag extravaganza The Jewel of Denial. He spoke to FM after the event for approximately

1 minute.

Wrestling fans waited outside the Lampoon for the Rock last Thursday. He never came. But a crowd waited for a good

60 minutes.

Pub fans hoping to keep the Bow open threw a marathon event last week. As part of the festivities, they showed Good Will Hunting, which has a run time of

126 minutes.

The longest running show on Broadway, Cats, is set to close its curtains June 25 after staging 7,397 performances. The show will have run for

9,312,480 minutes.

After awing audiences from the catwalk at London Fashion Week, Victoria ``Posh Spiceii Beckham was persuaded to seek help for her weight loss. She has been married to English soccer hunk David Beckham for

338,400 minutes.

A 51-year-old Swedish woman arrested for home brewing illegal alcohol was let off a jail sentence because at 350 pounds she was too fat to handle her own personal hygiene. She would have been in the slammer for

108,000 minutes.

Alexander Loschke, a German businessman, claims to have found the cure for the common cold: a copper wire pushed up each nostril. After testing out the healing powers of copper on his tomato plants, he stuck small copper rings up his nostrils. He said he felt better in just

2,160 minutes.

Real estate mogul Rick Rockwell, the man who had his pick of brides for the show iWho Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire,i chose emergency room nurse Darva Conger in

120 minutes (minus commercials).

Time to get cracking ladies. Two of the Backstreet Boys, Kevin and Brian, announced their engagements to their significant others this week. The quintet made more news when their entire 11-week, 39-cities North American tour sold out in under

60 minutes.

Hordes of job-hungry students will be rushing toward 67 Mt. Auburn St. clutching their Letis Go applications and hoping to get them in before the 5 p.m. deadline in

1,920 minutes.

Even with that notorious American sweettooth, chocolate consumption in the US lags far behind that of other countries. While Europeans can put away 35 pounds of chocolate per capita, Americans only eat 12 pounds in the same time period, which is

525,600 minutes.

Embrace that post-nasal drip because February is Sinus Pain Awareness Month. The holiday winds down in

6,660 minutes.

The festivities in Anthony, New Mexico (the self-proclaimed iLeap Year Capital of the Worldi), which will include parades and hot air balloons, will kick off in approximately

5760 minutes.

Members of the Owl Club have been able to get back into the building for

15,840 minutes.

Madonna has put her swanky Miami pad on the real estate market for $8.9 million. Her remake of Don McLeanis song iAmerican Piei runs shorter than the original by

3.5 minutes.