Dear FM,

I read your magazine religiously every week - I think it is the best weekly publication at Harvard. That's why I was so upset when I saw last week's issue. Apparently, someone had maliciously vandalized the back cover, using a piece of charcoal to scrawl all over your tasteful portrait of a tree.

--Hallie D. Freedman '00

Dear FM,

Your treatment of comedy writers coming out of Harvard was fundamentally flawed. It would seem that most of your arguments were simply begging the question. Your attempt to emulate Balzac reveals only the extent of your utter boobery. It's an issue of semantics vis a vis Chomsky's Universal Grammar, really. You ass.

--Kenneth P. Hollingsworth '01

Dear FM,

I saw that you had connected Lindsay Pindyck '00 with Keith Hahn '03 in six steps. Pathetic. After only twenty minutes of concerted thought I was able the connect the them in only three: Lindsay Pindyck '00 gets her bathroom cleaned every week by Jared I. Fass '02, who recieves threatening phone calls twice a day from Jasmine T. Germane '02, who works at the Medical School inserting anal probes into mice with KEITH HAHN '03. Booyah!

--Jasmine T. Germane '02

Dear FM,

Hey, I hope you don't think this is totally weird that I'm writing at 5 am or whatever. I just met you at the Grille and I gotta say, you've got a butt that just won't quit.

--Henry S. Cohen '01

Dear FM,

I thought that last week's feature spread on "Harvard's Freshmeat" was an absolute outrage. There were several shocking omissions from your so-called list of "hottest frosh." Aside from the complete lack of diversity, the most egregious oversight was that of my sister. The visage of her warm, full lips and supple thighs would have made a perfect centerfold to your magazine.

--Josh E. Kluger '03