Noah Z. Seton '00 recently met Natalie Portman '03. "It's nice to meet another campus celebrity," Seton told the actress... A bearded Christopher Ortega '97 was spotted wandering the Widener stacks, examining pictures of girlfriend Nicole Torraco '00. "She looks so happy," Ortega sighed. "I think I need lights for my Christmas tree," Torraco said later... P. C. Bright '01 likes live chickens... Cary P. McClelland '02 likes Katherine D. Earls '00... Final sections for General Education 105, "The Literature of Social Reflection" met this week. "I loved that class," gushed Courtney D. Rein '00, tears in her eyes. "It's like therapy!" Commented her companion Kate B. Spade '00, "I've always thought, myself, that the point of college was therapy."... Rodman W. Moorhead '01 got play this weekend... Something happened to Pforzheimer House, which may be why Anna M. Medvedovsky '00-'01 knows nobody who lives there, not even Lexer I. Quamie '00... Next door in Cabot, there have been outbreaks of overdue books and urinary tract infections. "Overdue books have nothing to do with UTIs. That's sex," claims Harry E. Widener '09, a representative for Lamont Library. Neil L. Rudenstine, speaking on behalf of University Health Services, disagrees. "Nope," he said. "It's overdue books."... Neil W. Holzapfel '00 has gone underground... Sunday night, Dafna V. Hochman '00 declined a date with Michael B. Fertik '00. Guess who won't be attending Mike's New Year's party at "The Fertik Estate?"... An advanced chapter of a thesis belonging to James Celestin '00 was spotted levitating in a River house computer lab... Aliya Iqbal '00 is used to mice in the kitchen but not in her bedroom... Ben Florman '99 spent a recent Thursday night stalking Elizabeth H. Winthrop '01, whom he claimed had stood him up. "Was he that blonde guy who pressed his face to the window?" mused Grafton Street bouncer I. L. Ike Black... Justin G. Muzinich '00 is newly single. Check out his Diesel Jeans!... Someone who looked quite a bit like Nicholas C. Fox '01 spent Monday afternoon sucking face with an unidentified girl on Mount Auburn Street. If you know who she might be, please call 5-9666... Little-known fact: Nora B. Morrison '00, of Quincy House, is a survivalist. She spent the summer in Montana and plans to head for the woods come the millennium... Simon J. DeDeo '00, of Mather House, always puts on striped boxers just in time for fire drills... Soman S. Chainani '01 [k]nows too much. He also thinks he's as cute as his brother... Brenna S. Haysom '00 did not win Kick the Can this weekend. Lampoon cartoonist Deirdre A. O'Dwyer '00 cannot remember who did. The two are planning a rematch... Assistant Professor of Government Keith J. Bybee is still smarting at his omission from FM's list of the hottest professors... Gurney Professor of English Literature Derek A. Pearsall has finished distributing copies of that issue to his children... Marshall I. Lewy '99-'00 seems to have moved on to yet another member of the class of 2002. He and Avra C. Van Der Zee '02 got cozy at "Crazy for You"... Josh A. Perry '00 apparently gave a stellar speech at the Signet Society's holiday dinner. "Everyone was very impressed," asserts one Signet member. "It's too bad there isn't more of a literary community here for [Josh]."... Hot Visitor Alert: Joe J. Green '00 has a hot friend visiting from Ireland, and Winthrop residents report he's on the prowl... Finally, G.G. '97 has graduated. Sorry if this column caused any confusion.