Sorry. I value those things too, and I'm no less a woman for it. I also value collaboration, emotional honesty and caring. But those aren't "female" values, and they shouldn't be defined as such. Any well-rounded human needs to recognize their importance.

And this is what bothers me in all the talk about "female" morality, "female" learning, "female" leadership. I'm not prepared to give up certain values and ways of doing things simply because of my gender. I don't like it when Phyllis Schafly calls for this, and I don't like it when Harvard Ed School Professor Carol Gilligan calls for it either. Societal prejudices and assumptions do exist, but I refuse to buckle under to them.

It's odd--somehow, without meaning to, I keep doing what some consider "male" activities. I'm a government concentrator. I did Model UN in high school. I've done speech and debate since I was 15. I'm a journalist and hope to be one for life.

I'm hardly the only female debater, or the only female Gov concentrator. And I'm certainly not the only woman on The Crimson. (Hey, if I hadn't added that, my female editors would have). I'm not breaking any ground. And I don't do any of these activities to prove a point--I do them because I enjoy them, plain and simple.

But I am choosing to take part in activities that necessitate qualities generally associated more with men than with women. Aggression, toughness, argumentativeness--all of these are more closely identified with men than they are with women.

What's the secret? Women are just as capable of those qualities as men, although they are often discouraged. And diplomacy, which is something society associates with women, is necessary in all these areas too. A good journalist knows how to schmooze as well as how to dig.

I'm never sure whether it helps or hurts overall that I don't seem aggressive, tough or argumentative at first glance. Many people, including some who have known me for years, consider me a sweet little Southern girl with a nice manner and cheerful smile. (Add the difference in regional perception, and the problem is compounded.) They don't see the steel in my soul.

Trust me, it's there. Just ask my roommates, or my high school history teacher, or anyone I've ever had a serious argument with. I just prefer to be subtle about it.

I'm definitely not sorry to have gained an awareness of societal views of women and of the difficulties women can face at Harvard. But the key thing is to not let the awareness cripple me. Just because one studies a myth long enough to know it well is no reason to believe it.

Iwas thinking about my name just the other day, as a matter of fact. Someone had spelled it "Marian" and I corrected them, throwing in the detail that technically, it's the "male" spelling.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that means, just like I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it means to be a woman at Harvard and in the world today. I don't think there's a single answer for me, and there's certainly not a single answer out there for the wide variety of women attending the University.

The important thing is to keep asking the question.