Probably the easiest and by far the cheapest way of getting to New Haven is by car.

Hop in with a crowd of your friends and pick up the Mass Pike across the river near the Coca-Cola factory. Follow the Pike (interstate route 90) west to exit 9 in Sturbridge. If you're doing 60 mph, this first leg will take just under an hour.

When you get off the pike at Strubridge Village, you will have spent about two dollars in tolls, and if you're lucky enough to be in a Honda, only an equal amount in gas. As you pass through the tollgates, you'll be on route 86 south, heading into Connecticut, only about five minutes away.

You can celebrate about finally Making It Out of Massachusetts, and tip your cap to Eddie King, but you should also keep a close watch for Connecticut state troopers, who are likely to give you about as nice a reception as the state of California gave the medfly. If you're really unfortunate, and the Conn bears catch you doing more than 65 mph, your best bet is to be super polite. Otherwise, they're capable of taking away your license, and depending on the circumstances--such as the odor of your breath--throwing you into the pokey.

Stay on 86 south until you reach route 91 south, which will take you right by Hartford giving you an easily forgettable view of the architecture of the modern insurance conglomerate. Once you're on route 91, it's clear sailing until you hit exit one, for downtown New Haven. Lock your doors, close your windows, and batten down the hatches for the next five minutes, until you reach the safe haven of the Yale campus.

Go right off exit one, under the New Haven Col iseum (arguably the ugliest structure in the Western Hemisphere, not counting Holyoke Center), and continue two blocks on Orange St. Take a left onto Crown St., your first right onto Church St., and then your first left onto Chapel St.

If you're lost by now, don't be afraid to ask for directions, but make sure you pick someone friendly, and try hard not to get into an abstract discussion. If you're still following according to plan, continue another three blocks on Chapel, and a right onto High St, will put you right in the middle of Yale, which is just where you wanted to be. Isn't it?